Letting Go
by EternallyEC
Summary: Natalie's ghost pays John a visit.


**Disclaimer: **I own nothing; don't sue.

**Author's Note: **Well, here I am to reclaim my title as Death Princess! LOL… I've had this one written for a few months but since Dulce's fic inspired it and they seemed a little similar I wanted to wait until she posted hers. Enjoy.

**Title: **Letting Go

For a brief moment John thought that he had imagined the cool touch to his cheek, but when he opened his eyes there she was. He didn't know whether he should smile at the sight or cry for the wound that it ripped open yet again.

"Glad to see you decided to join me." Natalie flashed him her most dazzling smile and he felt his heart speed up the same way it had when she was still alive.

"You're not real," John said softly, desperately trying to tear his eyes away from the ghostly visage before him. But his eyes, as always, refused to listen to his mind as he couldn't help but drink her in.

Natalie smiled sadly as she stood up and spun around in a circle, the skirt of the red dress the Buchanans had chosen to bury her in flaring out as she did so. "Look John, I'm not the one who keeps calling me here. You are. I know that I'm dead, and you definitely know, so why not let me go?"

John was finally able to tear his eyes away from her as she pinned him with her gaze. "Because I can't," he whispered. "I still love you, and if I had just told you that you wouldn't be—"

His voice trailed off as he looked down at the comforter. It was red, the color of Natalie's hair. She had been the one to pick it out and despite everyone's advice to the contrary after the unthinkable had happened he had kept it… It still held a faint trace of her scent, and as long as he could hold onto that he knew that he would be okay.

Natalie rolled her eyes as she walked over and knelt before him. "McBain." Her voice was gentle but firm, causing John to look up and meet her eyes.

"It's not your fault that I died," she stated, a quiet but strong conviction underscoring her words. "It was my time, as lame as that sounds. I was meant to die that day, and nothing would have stopped it. The location and things leading up to it might have changed but the outcome—" She let her voice trail off as she saw John's eyes watering.

"Hey," she said softly. "I love you too. I loved you with my dying breath, and I will never stop. But you have got to stop torturing yourself." Her voice broke as she saw a single tear fall from his eye. She placed her hand on his cheek, wishing that he could feel her touch instead of the cool breeze he had described it feeling like.

"I don't know how, Natalie. I've been blaming myself for things for so long. My dad's death, then Caitlin's, Cristian's, yours… and so many in between. How do I just turn that off?"

Natalie smiled through the tears that were now flowing as she shook her head. "I know that you can't just flip a switch and have the emotions disappear, but you have to start living again. Once you do, things will get better. You'll see."

"I don't know how to live without you, Natalie." His eyes searched hers pleadingly and she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his for a brief second before she whispered, "Just start by going through the motions. Before you know it I'll just be a good memory."

She tried to make that sound like a good thing, but John could see how much the thought pained her. "You will never be just a good memory. I was nothing but a shell of a man until I met you. You made me feel something for the first time in a very long time. It didn't matter if it was anger, jealousy, amusement, happiness, or love… You made me feel something every minute that we were together, and I owe my life to you."

Natalie's tears were streaming as she smiled at him. "That's exactly why you have to continue living… All my work will have been for nothing if you don't," she whispered, trying to lighten the mood. John's chuckle caught in his throat as she slowly stood up and began to back away.

"You're finally ready, John," she whispered. He shook his head desperately. "No, I'm not. I can't do this Natalie." She smiled at him as she slowly began to fade away before his eyes.

"Yes, you can. You have the strength and the courage. You have to go on, John. You have to do it… for me."

With that, she was gone, leaving John alone in the darkness of his hotel room. The tears he usually shed after her departure were absent today, and he realized that Natalie was right.

It was time for him to move on, to make everything that she had done for him worth it. He had to do it to prove that he had been worthy of her for the short time he had had her.

FIN


End file.
